I am sitting in our living room while Andrew makes dinner because my stomach has been bugging me on and off for the whole weekend. I have the TV off while I was scrolling/chatting on my phone because he has music on in there and he is always singing. As I listen to him sing one of my favourite Paul Brandt songs I can’t help but be so grateful for him today.
He has been so tired lately, but he is always so willing to take me on dates or make sure that my anxiety isn’t getting bad being home all day. Today we went swimming finally, I’ve been wanting to hit up a local pool for months, basically since I got those two pink lines on a pee stick. I finally got to have my blue slushy I’ve been craving. Yesterday we got a ton of chores accomplished and spent the rest of the day with our head in the clouds dreaming of our future home we want to build.
I have a lot of anxiety (duh & pregnancy has definitely made it worse) and I have a tendency to panic especially about anything in regards to finances. Days like these remind me about the partner I have no matter how much money we have coming in. The man I love dreams of Disney world daily and cooks the best pasta. He builds me up constantly and reassures me at all the right moments. He can enjoy sitting outside with my family just chatting on the deck, he takes Gimli and I to the beach constantly and he always will duet Disney songs with me in the car. He is more my best friend every single day. I always knew humor was important to me but the amount this man makes me laugh daily is something I am consistently grateful for. I watch him put his hands on my belly hoping for a foot to come up and say hello to him and I fall more in love. I spend so much time being completely enamoured by this man that I hope he always realizes how incredible he is; How worthy of love and respect he is.
In times where I can calm down and not be in a panic I realize that so many things in life don’t matter, so much of what I get anxious about isn’t necessary and I get to enjoy the moments that I am grateful to be married to this man. I am so lucky to have him as my forever best friend and boyfriend. I couldn’t have cooked up a better dad for my future kids if I tried.
Even when he is driving me crazy, I couldn’t picture a different life with anyone else. This is who I am meant to be right now, This is who I am meant to grow alongside and this is my amazing life. I am trying to stop dwelling on what is missing, the cruel things people say about my attitude or personality or whatever else. I am a loving and caring and valuable human in this world and I am better because of those who love me, especially the man who chooses to love me in every mood, every hour of the day even when I am whiney and asking him to make more peach juice.
As I learn to love myself I realize how crucial it is to love not only my family but my life and where it is now because it is where I was meant to end up, for now.
Thanks for loving me Hubadub, I am constantly in awe that I got this lucky.