NO IM NOT PREGNANT. But lets talk about that for a moment shall we?
When you get married it isn’t long after that you start to hear questions about babies or at least if you show up to a baby shower someone will comment “you’re next!” and although it is easy to laugh off I want to say something lots of people are too afraid to..
SHUT UP and IT’S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS.
Don’t get me wrong, when my parents are joking about it with me and asking when they will have their grand baby I understand that they know us and are aware that we want kids. However when people who DON’T know this about us make comments I can’t imagine being someone who doesn’t want to have children hearing that over and over again. In this day and age there are a lot of things we aren’t really supposed to ask people or say to people because it has been dubbed as offensive. Why are the prodding baby questions still okay?
Why are we making it the norm to expect couples to ALWAYS want to spawn screaming pooping little people? and why do we criticize those who don’t want to? I love kids. Basically everyone who knows me knows I love kids and babies and puppies. I also love people who want nothing to do with having their own kids and I can completely respect that because I would be lying if I said it hasn’t crossed my mind before to not have kids. This was way back I went through this thought, also it hits most times I am around a screaming child because duh.
In the world of self-love where we empower women to be anything and do anything why is it that we are still stuck in the mindset that they can do those things but they also NEED to be a mom? Being a “homemaker” has changed so much over the years it isn’t really about putting on a floral apron and doing all the ironing anymore. I want to raise some kick ass kids eventually but it doesn’t mean that I don’t value mine and my husbands dreams and hobbies.
I grow more and more aggravated at the “just wait until you have kids” comment if someone mentions being tired or busy etc. because what good does that do? “hey you think you feel like shit now wait until you do this thing you thought you were excited about but you shouldn’t be because it will ruin everything.” WHY is this a thing we say? People are allowed to be tired without criticism, we are allowed to have parenting values and goals even if they change when we do finally have kids, let us have our own independent thoughts and goals for parenting just like we should have them about anything else in our lives.
The mommy world feels like it is a different place from the women’s world we are trying to create. I don’t want to generalize but I am merely commenting on observations as well as input from some mom friends of mine. Moms can be real dicks. Mommy groups can be judgemental hate filled environments and there is often more drama with moms than there ever is with the kids. A friend of mine is stunning beyond compare and is very thin. She has a rockin’ bod and gave birth last July. She started going to a swim group with her daughter and because of the “mom world” she wears a shirt to swim class over her bathing suit and still gets glares from all the moms on the bleachers who didn’t want to get in the water. Do we as women really need to shame each other in any capacity while we are already judging ourselves everyday for god knows what else? Moms or not moms we are hard on ourselves, why be hard on each other too?
I know I am not yet a mom, this def doesn’t need to be pointed out to me. I also would like to add that I am lucky enough to not know these douche bag type moms but that’s not saying they don’t exist. I used to deal with them constantly. Maybe this is just an uneducated outsiders opinion but being a mother scares me more not for the parenting part of it but the anxiety of the additional judgement. Trust me when I say that I am already my worst critic and the idea of having a plethora of new people to judge me makes me cringe.
I can’t imagine working on my self-love and body positive outlooks while also raising one or more tiny humans. Moms, I respect you and you are doing an amazing job in a world that isn’t easy to raise kids in. There will always be asshole moms and I hope that you can make the conscious decision to separate yourself from them as much as possible and I hope you love yourself even a fraction as much as your kid or kids do. Surrogates, Bio moms and foster and adoptive moms, you too. You’re all MVPs and I hope you see your worth every day.
Shout out to the best mom ever to me and hubster