Hey! So it’s been a rough few months on this old girl. My mental health really took over my motivation and it left me in a scatter-brained hole that left me without words to share for a while. I realize that part of the purpose of this blog was to share my struggles and my growth and I really just was having trouble finding the silver lining in things to be able to share them as a growing experience.

Anxiety is weird. Depression is weird. I am having some moments of both and being totally open, I haven’t been dealing with them properly. I often eat for comfort, I will spend days wasting my time with TV and napping and I will admit defeat after most small rough patches. I’ve talked about my flaws in previous posts so this isn’t new news to anyone who has read my other posts but let me clarify that it was all magnified.

While I have tried to allow myself to be more creative and I try to alleviate the pressure I put on myself in regards to anything that causes me anxiety (my weight, money, my future, etc.) I have struggled because I have had no goals and no structure. I have nothing I am working towards yet I am in mope mode. I am in self-pity over emotional mode where I spend money I don’t have and eat when I’m not hungry. I am still in a place of loving my body but it tends to fade when I eat poorly and my motivation and energy dwindles.

So while I admit defeat for the start of 2017 I have come up with a plan for myself. I have written down daily, weekly and monthly goals to strive for to enrich my life and ease me into a lifestyle I am happier to wake up to each day.

I am hoping that anyone who is in a situation that needs improvement somehow will get something from my future posts. I hope that my new approach will be useful to someone to help make positive life changes slowly and effectively.

Here are the things I feel I need to work on myself for an improved quality of life:

– Manage stress
– Exercise frequently
– Improve quality of foods being consumed
– Manage over-eating
– Be more productive
– Focus more on positive moments and activities
– Stop being afraid to ask for help
– Be consistently grateful
– Have faith in myself and my big scary goals

I am on day one of certain goals but tomorrow marks the real change day for me. Tomorrow I will be more self-aware and determined and with a tremendous support system I will be more of the person I want to believe and invest in.

I will no longer be associating my self-worth with my weight gain or my inability to work out each day. I will be worthy of everything good in my life as I am starting today. I am loved for who I am and I don’t need to be different to deserve to take up space in this world BUT I can FEEL better taking up that space and maybe I can finally have the courage to change the world, even a little. I am not a Personal Trainer first, I am a self-love advocate before anything else and I know I need a bigger dose of it before I help others like I have intended.

When I read this today I knew I would need to share it.